Why Do Men Look?
I received an email from a lady with a question I wish more women would ask. If you know the real answer you might be better at accepting this thing we men do that seems to bother so many women:
"why if men love you as they say, do they scope out every attractive woman they see. My hub and I are very close but it bothers me that he has such a wandering eye, everywhere we go. It makes me feel that he is not satisfied with me. he says I have a problem. Even picks out tv shows with a lot of female content. if he is so in love as he says, why must he do this? AND what is he thinking when he does this?"
My reply:
"AND what is he thinking when he does this"
He's not thinking, he's reacting. As I explain in my book, a man's evolutionary imperative is to mate with as many qualifying females as possible, to ensure the survival of as many offspring as possible. As you've probably noticed, it all starts with the woman's body shape, right? Well, his instinct (mating radar I call it) is drawing his attention to the "ideal" mate's body. You don't say how old he is but this is the reason men are attracted to younger women: they're in their mating and childbearing prime.
Men are visually attracted because there's a direct connection between our optic nerve and our brain stem, with only a brief detour through the subconscious. In other words, unlike women, it's like shoot first and ask questions later.
An attractive woman (potential mate) qualifies first on appearance then we make the distinction between desirable and undesirable based on other criteria.
Basically, your husband's mating radar is on all the time and he can't turn it off. And I hope you don't try! Let him look, humor him, some women find it works well for them if they point out attractive women. The way he feels about you is far better if you don't get on his case about gazing. How you react will decide which brain chemicals flow in his head, happy or angry.
Now, if Brad Pitt or Pierce Brosnan walked into the room, you wouldn't even notice, right? 
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This lady mentions that her husband says she has a problem and what he sees is insecurity. He tells her he loves her and she shouldn't get upset if he looks at other women but she does anyway, apparently. Reacting this way, with anger, when your mate looks at other women, will drive a wedge between the two of you and have the exact opposite effect from what you want. Gradually, if you keep complaining, he will start seriously thinking of jumping ship and getting one of those attractive women he likes to gawk at. Why? Because you're criticizing him for being a man, belittling his masculinity and insisting that he NOT be a man.
Now, the shocking truth: women are visual, too, and look at men they unconsciously approve of as ideal mating material.
As always, your comments are welcome.
Owen Johnson
www.man2woman.net
two comments:
I understand the whole evolution, mating matching chemicals, but that only goes so far. We, humans, have also developed our brains a lot since these primitives days. We can make a choice to look or not to look. In my humble opinion is a matter of respect for the other person. It is ok to look, not to gag, or look every time an OK looking woman goes by. I am an attractive woman, and I would bet many males would not appreciate their women looking at other guys the way some man look at us.
So, if you use the evolution excuse, you should also take into consideration the evolution of the human brain, awareness of subcontinent mind, and more so, awareness of respect for others. We are very rational creatures, man and women, and we can choose the way we behave.
Just my two cents…
Bela - 12 15 07 - 18:54
Bela, I think you missed the point. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong for a man to look at other women, I’m just saying that’s how it is. And WHY it is. And hoping if women understand why men look, you might be a little more accepting of it.
Yes, we’re fairly rational creatures, but if your rational thinking is concentrated on what you think people should or shouldn’t do, you’re going to be disappointed constantly. I came to a realization a few months ago, and that is that the word “should” when used regarding other people, actually means “I would like it if….”. I’ve tried to take it out of my vocabulary because our self-talk programs our sub-conscious minds and we tend to believe what we tell ourselves. In this case, that we’re right and anyone who doesn’t do what we think they “should” is wrong.
Owen
Owen () - 01 30 08 - 15:14
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